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Archive for the ‘Spiritually Speaking’ Category

Well, Josai and I are getting BIG! I feel like a whale but realize I am only going to get bigger in the next 7 weeks ūüėČ I can’t believe that on one end I have a whopping 7 weeks left and then on the other end of the spectrum I only have 7 weeks!! I feel anxious to meet my little man that God has formed, to hold him and begin this new chapter but then again I feel a lot of anxiety about how much I still need to accomplish before he decides to join our family!

The main things are preparing for our 2010/2011 homeschool year, deciding on everything I want to use and trying to plan as much as possible for it. Training in obedience with my other three especially Amaris, because when Josai comes I will need her to be trained to sit alone by me for long periods of time so that I can stay in worship on Sundays and on Wednesdays when daddy is preaching/teaching. I do not have the neccessities as of baby stuff as of yet but I do not doubt God’s provision and so trust that in time I will get everything I need. I long to have a more spiritually disciplined routine, although I don’t know how much that will help after he gets here and changes all of our routines. I have a lot of little things that are to important but would add to my sanity and peacefulness that I would like to get done.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Weeks ago I thought I might have Gestational Diabetes but it turned out I just had an iron defienciency. This week has been a little crazy, we have had vbs every morning. The kids have been loving it! My Kai’s birthday party is this Saturday afternoon and I keep forgetting that I have to make his cake and get all the supplies, thankfully we did our shopping already. Early, early that morning we are going to Dry Creek to spend the morning picking blueberries!! I am so excited and praying it isn’t to hot for all of us ;).

In the midst of all of this busy-ness I find my heart and my thoughts far far away from all of it… lingering in His truths and in His love, wondering and seeking to know Him more and love Him deeper. I have been examining my heart lately… disecting it’s true motives, it’s fears and doubts and trying to simply bring them all to Him in complete surrender. He has been teaching me lately of my self love that is still to much a live with in me. Conteplating what it means to find peace and joy in taking up my crosses for the sake of Christ, of knowing more of Christ, of loving, suffering and fellowshiping with Christ. I didn’t realize how often I ran from my crosses causing myself more pain and denying His work in my life to be carried to completion! Oh how foolish and wasteful. I am praying that I do not waste my suffering in this life to not only draw me deeper in communion with Him but also to draw others deeper into a communion with Him.

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It was a beautiful Saturday morning here in southern Louisiana… hot but beautiful. Went to the store yesterday and bought a little blow up pool for the kids, the two kids that are here with me. My oldest, Eli, went on a ministry trip with his daddy this weekend to Galveston, Tx. They will be experiencing the hot while sharing the love of Christ with the homeless. I am so thankful that they were able to get away and be the hands and feet of Jesus today! I stayed home in my own ministry striving to be just the same. I find myself so often challenged with the decision of self-denial and almost everytime I choose self, I refuse to take up my cross and follow Him who has set the example for me, who has enternally given life through it. I am reminded that if we are to be His disciiples then we must take up our cross and follow Him. This is not an option it is a commanded must. The spirit is willing but my flesh is pressingly weak!

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It is a quiet afternoon following a spiritually slow physically fast paced morning… I sit in my little corner tucked away from the noise while my two little ones rest quietly in their little corners and Eli finds himself lost in pages on my bed under the refuge of his daddy’s lamp light. I take this moment, for it is just that a brief moment I carved out in this space in time, to rest my mother’s heart in overflowing thoughts of faithfulness… pondering ways to live daily in the shadow of His reality and cultivate an abundantly Christ saturated, Joy filled, Prayer breathing culture… a place where my children grow up breathing sanctified air, air that reminds us as we inhale and exhale the reality of grace and love… the reality of living for eternity… filling our spirit with discontent for the here and now of earthly things and setting our minds and hearts on those things not yet seen… things beyond… revealing the path of a traveler on his journey home. I find much encouragement as I seek Him in places where He dwells…

I am taking heart notes as I continue to ponder these fresh paths… praying that soon these heart notes will begin to breath and take shape into our lives becoming heart rythyms.

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To be like Christ. To displace self from the inner throne, and to enthrone Him; to make not the slightest compromise with the smallest sin. We aim at nothing less than to walk with God all day long, to abide every hour in Christ and He and His words inus, to love God with all the heart and our neighbors as ourselves… It is possible to cast every care on Him daily, and to be at peace amidst pressure, o see the will of God in everything, to put away all bitterness and clamor and evil speaking, daily and hourly. It is possible by unreserved resort to divine power under divine conditions to become strongest through and through at our weakest point. (Bishop Handley Moule, Thoughts on Christian Sanctity)

Sanctification… the process of becoming more and more with each breath like our savior. Sometimes the breathes come slowly and with little progress though.¬† Especially when when we try to do it in our own power instead of with the power of the Holy Spirit who is the only one who is able to inable us to be like Christ.¬† Life can get overwhelming and in a second we can become convinced to take our eyes off of Christ and placed them inwardly… forget the power is not of us and be deceived into thinking we must do all of this on our own and with our own strength and then it is then that we fail and fall in the grips of a circle of dispair because we have misplaced our King from His throne in our hearts and insufficiently replaced Him with ourselves. We start to feel like everyday we are alone… folding laundry, cooking meals, teaching, correcting, cleaning… going through the Christian motions while our heart sits in a dark corner unengaged and uninterested.

I don’t know about you but I need His Spirit to fill up this old heart… to find His power working out in my life with zeal and passion that can only be of Him. More of Him less of me. Reading over the fruits of the Spirit I know that those things do not come naturally for me… I cringed inwardly at them and fear getting to close to them for the reflection I might see of my own heart, but I want to be useful to God, a servant of His grace and a faithful daughter. I must examine this old heart and it’s old ways and prune it and surrender it to Him fully and completely… I bring my heart this morning broken and lay it upon His alter… sweet¬†surrender to His will, however humiliating it may be to deny self¬†with each breath from person to person, if that is what it takes¬†for Him to be seen in me then I will endure for His glory to radiate through this broken vessel, this jar of clay. I pray that with each step He will take my hand and guide me deeper and deeper into His lovingness and that I would know my Savior more intimately than before.¬†

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:10-11

Oh, this is my cry oh God.

The sacrafices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not dispise. Psalm 51:17

Oh, my God I desire for this to be real, for Your Spirit to be real… powerfully working in my heart and through my life… not another emotional experience that comes and goes… an experience that transforms this heart to live a faithful and righteous life radically for Your glory… that the fruit of Your Spirit would be evident in me, that You would give me Your eyes and let me come close to Your heart, that each day You would fill me up with Your Spirit and lead me to walk in love, in joy, in peace, in patience, in kindness, in goodness, faithfulness, in gentleness and in self control… that my flesh would be crucified and my idols smashed.

If we walk¬† by the Spirit we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. In this journey… let us not focus on our fleshly desires but only on the fruit of the Spirit, not on the sin but on Christ. Recognize what it is that we struggle with and then quickly with out much thought replace it… let us walk.

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A Journey

I have decided to take a journey… a spiritual journey that I am sure will lead me deeper into the heart of God and lead me through self examination bringing me out in His grace and prayfully with each step peeling layers of callous dead layers off of the flesh of my heart… exposing more of Him and less of me… so I begin here…

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

So won’t you walk with me… don’t pack¬† just escape leaving all of your old bags behind… let us walk together by the Spirit and allow with sweet surrender for Him to fill our hearts drowing anything of ourselves…

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I believe that it is essential to our spiritual nourishment that we hide God’s word in our hearts. The word is our only weapon in the spiritual battles we face on a daily basis. I myself have not been abiding in the word like I should and have been encouraged by a follow blogger, Sarah, who does a Memory Verse meme every Wednesday on her sight. I want to encourage you to visit her today or soon and join in memorizing scripture.

Last weeks memory verse was 1 Thessalonians 5:16 “Rejoice always, pray with out ceasing, giving thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for your life.” It is truly amazing how God spoke directly to my heart through this verse. He is so good. Let me lead you to Psalm 1 for a little reflection on the importance of being in the word:

The Way of the Righteous and the Wicked
 Blessed is the man
  who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
  nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
  and on his law he meditates day and night.
 He is like a tree
  planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
  and its leaf does not wither.
 In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so,
  but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
  nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
  but the way of the wicked will perish.

This weeks memory verse is:

1 John 3: 18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

I pray that the Lord will speak to us all with this verse and change us to become more like His Son. Grab your swords and begin preparing for the battle.

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Today while we were vigorously folding clothes together I asked Superman if he had any questions about God, which I do often to take a peak inside his head and heart and to encourage him to get his thoughts out so that they can be anwsered and discussed and not left to think on them alone. Here is our conversation over laundry: 

¬†Superman: No…

Me: Nothing at all….?

Superman: Reluctant… well… yes. ¬†

Me: What?

Superman: Is God in Heaven because He is afraid of what He created?

Me: Completely puzzled as to where on earth this question came from and a little scared as to how I am going to anwser it… assuming that he must have heard it somewhere… where did you hear that question?

Superman: Spy Kids 2

Me: a little releaved… oh, well…. no…. Would you be afraid of spiders if you created them and have complete control over them?

Superman: no

Me: God created us and this earth and all in it and He has no reason to be afraid of any of His creation. He is in complete control and holds it all in His hands.  So, absolutely not God is not in Heaven because He is afraid of what He created.

Superman: What if there is no God and no devil?

Me: Oh, man…Well… what do you think?

Superman: I think we could do whatever we want and we wouldn’t get any spankings…smile

Me: amazed at his rationality… that is true but what also would happen if there was no God or devil? What would happen after we died?

Superman: What if we never die…

Me: Well that is a fact of life… we are all going to die… what would happen if we died and there was not a¬†heaven or hell? Where would we go then?

Superman: ?

Me: I am guessing no where… we would just cease to exist…. dissapear and be no more… and we know that there is God and devil because the bible tells us there is¬†and it is 100% truth.

Superman: Well what if there was only God and heaven and no devil?

Me: Well, a lot would be different… he would not have¬†decieved Eve in the gardened and we would not be sinful… we would be perfect… then we would not get spankings and all would be good…

Superman: I wish there was no devil

Me: Me to.

We finished our laundry and continued with the rest of our cleaning. I LOVE to experience these moments of discussion about God with my son and SO look forward to many more years of good theological discussions with other little growing minds and I pray that I do not forget them.

Motherhood is sweet.

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