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Archive for the ‘Emotioanal Hindrances’ Category

It was one of those mornings… I stumbled out of bed an hour after my determined time to get up, somehow not hearing 2 alarms ringing forth from my phone, forfeiting my time to sit at His feet. Josai was awake, my third alarm that I could not ignore at 6:30. We started a new sleep solution training last night after months of little (very little) sleep, I finally realized that this is not good for either of us and it is only getting worse. I decided to do some research and found Richard Ferber M.D. through what is called the Ferber method. I found it to be an interesting gentle cry it out method and decided to check his book out from the library. After reading over it, I was fascinated… would this work? Well, so far it is working like a charm (whatever that means lol)! He is falling asleep on his own with some crying  but a lot of reassurance from his momma… I am not one to beable to listen to my baby cry for long lengths, I just am not capable (we both end up crying at some point and I just cave) and it never works. This seemed like a good compromise for us, and it is.  It was a good night but still difficult. I am looking forward to sleep, soon.

Needless to say I woke up struggling to find my joy this morning. I searched in many places…under  my heart, in my accomplishments, a neatly made bed, a clean sink, a happy baby and happy children, my husbands schedule, behind my performance and even though there was some sense of joy found in those things they didn’t last long. They quickly evaporated with the time. Finally, I remember a quote written on a dry erase board in my dining room, “Seek God, not Joy” Elizabeth Prentiss. Yes, seek God. It is amazing how such a simple truth gets lost among the rubbish of self, piled high. I search and find my bible, the eternal words. I open it up, desperate for His words to bring me into His presence again. I find them or they find me.

“But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them every sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you.” Psalm 5:11

My joy is hidden in Him… I woke up forgetting this reality for me as one of the righteous. I forgot who I was, and I who I belong to. My joy isn’t found in anything, ANYTHING, other than Him. He is my refuge that I run to… in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening… in the middle of the night nursing a baby who just wont sleep with out me. Where can I go from His presence?

When your joy is playing hide and seek… remember where you will always find it, always.

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“Choices will continually be necessary and — let us not forget — possible. Obedience to God is always possible. It is a deadly error to fall into the notion that when feelings are extremely strong we can do nothing but act on them.”
Elisabeth Elliot (Discipline: The Glad Surrender)
The strength of our feelings come from the desires of our flesh, how much freedom of reign have we allowed our flesh to have over us? The stronger our feelings are the more power we have passively allowed our flesh to have…simply put the stronger our flesh the stronger our feelings.  When our feelings flare up and desire to consume us and toss us to and fro in any given situation we must make a decision… do we trust the way of our feelings or the way of the Spirit living within us? Do we trust in the power of our feelings and give in to them and in turn allow them to take us where they take us which is never where we want to be or do we trust in the power of the  Holy Spirit and give in to Him to take us down a path of peace and righteousness which is where we always desire to be? It’s up to you…

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I have awakened into another day of washing the dishes, doing the process of laundry, vacuuming the floors, cleaning up spilled drinks, changing diaper after diaper, disciplining, nurturing and training my boys, teaching math and spelling, repeating myself often, cooking, giving baths, wiping coutertops, sweeping concreet, taking out trash and pouring out my heart and giving all of my energy to my family with a smile while thanking Jesus for giving me another opportunity to serve Him and love Him and bring Him glory and Praise Him in my calling of Mother, Wife, Teacher and Housekeeper.

 

This morning while I was doing the dishes I had this thought above and for me it was surprising at where my thought went.  It went from a complaining discontent spirit to a thankful and praising spirit giving thanks to Jesus for my calling, for my life, for my family and for all of the dirty but beautiful work that comes with it. Where did that come from?… Thank you Jesus for your grace and your Spirit. Honestly on mornings like the one I had this morning where the day just wasn’t going to be the way I wanted it to I usually ( and sadly) continue in my sinful behavior until I am jolted out of it by some unfortunate circumstance. OhThank You for loving a sinner like me.

 

My behavior this morning is not one that is pleasing to my Lord and is not one that can be used to bring about His righteousness.  The wise woman builds her house, but with her hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1) My heart does not desire to destruct my home in any way shape or form but only to build it up with the love of Christ. Whether I or you realize it or not we are either one of two women: wise or foolish, we are either building our house or tearing it down. I know that for me I find myself doing a lot of repairing here and there from my destructive behavior. I am tired of repairing… Lord, send me a vision of destruction when I am caught in the trap of foolishness and replace it with a vision of beauty and encouragement and allow me to capture it and put it on. Give me joy and peace in those moments and may it overflow onto those I love. I pray this for me and for all of you mothers who share my struggle.

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The daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their hearts. They wage war on fear, and they defeat it with the promises of God.

John Piper (Holy Women who Hoped in God)

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Be not miserable about what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father, who cares for you today, will care for you tomorrow.

Francis de Sales

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.

Henry Ward Beecher

Anxiety is not only a pain which we must ask God to assuage but also a weakness we must ask Him to pardon; for He’s told us to take no care for the morrow.

(Clive Staples) C. S. Lewis

Anxiety means distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. As a mother I find myself often trapped in this emotional state over the safety of my children. I have a difficult time accepting that anything could ever happen to them. When my first son was little I remember all of the ridiculous things that would swim around in my mind of what could happen to him. I would have to shut my mind off to them and try to give my fears to the Lord. Today I am overly anxious as I always am when my boys travel long distances. Right now they are boarding a plane with their Nana and I am at home with my baby girl.  I want to give this to God and leave it with Him but am struggling. Hopefully He will comfort me throughout the next few hours and grant me peace as I surrender the safety of my children into His loving hands of righteousness.

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