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Archive for December, 2011

I have learned something about myself. I have a deep passion for photography, for capturing life and holding time, holding grace. There is something so magical about photography, something so internal I can’t completely comprehend it. Call me an over the top sentimentalist or romantic… but I can’t help it. When I am behind a camera I just feel in some way so connected with reality.

So, as I have come to understand my strange passion for photography I have been educating myself on it. I will be honest, I hate being an amateur and knowing so little. I want to automatically know how to take great photo’s, how to capture not only the moment but the feeling of the moment in my pictures. I know that it will take time, it is  a journey as is all of life.

So as I have grown {so little} in my photography education I have learned that…

I love bokeh!

Bokeh, bokeh, bokeh.

Love it.

Bokeh comes from a Japanese word boke which means “haze” or “blur”, which kinda sounds a little like my life right now, very blurry. Out of focus from where I am. A big haze-y mess.

The thing with bokeh is, it is beautiful, beautiful because it makes the object of focus stand out. Isn’t that what we are to do in these times of haze and blur, when we just don’t understand? Isn’t it meant to be beautiful, beautifully out of focus so that He will be beautifully in focus?

Oh, bokeh… a beautiful lesson in the lens of life and photography.

Darcy of Life with my 3 Boybarians is hosting a little Bokeh party. I thought I might join, make a quiet entrance through the back door… slip in unnoticed.

With a few pictures from around our little home, some just may have a little bokeh magic in them…

 

Like I said, I am an amateur… but by His grace one day I will actually know what I am doing… 😉

In the meantime, go visit Darcy and enjoy all the Bokeh!

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I have been learning a lot lately about the will of God. Hard lessons of life and change.

It is true that every day in many ways, our plans change.

I had glorious plans for today, plans to take time to invest in my children’s life. To make, bake, and create messy joy.

But,  instead I am in bed with a messy virus.

We desire to live in the will of God, walking in His presence, and obeying His word. What we often fail to understand is that along this journey He desires us to have grateful hearts. To walk in humility in each moment, knowing how little we know and how much we are loved.

This is what I long to understand, live, and teach to my children. How to be among the grateful children saved by grace. That they will live eyes wide open to the magical kingdom that surrounds them.

“Interestingly, when you go to the scriptures for insight on the will of God, you don’t find a lot about things to do, places to go, or people to meet. That is because God’s will is not so much a place, a job, or a specific mate, as it is a heart and a lifestyle. What you do find in the word, however, are a few clear statements in regard to what the will of God is-not just for you, not just for me, but for all of us. ” Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Gratitude should be at the heart of every Christian in their search for the will of God for their lives and our children should be raised in an atmosphere of deep gratitude.

I think we have underestimated gratitude in the Christian life, never fully understanding it’s place in our hearts. Setting it aside and believing it something to hard to ever obtain, so why try?

Because it is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you, that is why.

And because it is the only avenue to true sanctified joy. I believe that with my whole heart. We will never live in true joy if we are not truely grateful for the grace of Jesus Christ in every circumstance of our life. It is hard, but it is obtainable even in the storm you might be in right now. It is worth fighting for, He is worth fighting for.

“Gratitude is a lifestyle, a hard fought, grace infused, biblical lifestyle.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss

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I don’t know about you, but I love beaded, unique, beautifully crafted jewelry. One of the things I was really looking forward to living in Latin America was the jewelry.

Just recently I found a lovely site that when you buy a bracelet you give one orphan in Indonesia food for a week!

What a great idea. I wish I had thought of it.

What a great gift for the holidays. A gift that gives to more than just one person.

So, for Christmas this year…

Give Jewelry

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I love the verse they have at the bottom of their site…

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (NLT)

A verse that I have been drawn to lately, my hope, their hope, our hope.

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Life is so full of delicious moments that can so easily, by my own permission, slip by untasted.

This afternoon I found encouragement in questions…

How does a heart sorrow over the time forever gone and still be present to the wonder of the time that is now?

How do we let go of what once was and accept what now is?

Questions I have been battling  {questions I know others around me are battling as well} as I try to live accepting change, accepting what I don’t understand.

Questions I already know the answer to and have known… from the beginning. To the one word that can heal

Eucharisteo.

Yes, thanks.

I am a mess, my life is a mess but I can choose to give thanks and live fully, right here.

Tasting the moments of this life, of Him.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Psalm 38:4

This is why I run hard after it. Why it is such a passion of mine. Desperately chasing after it, this grace and capturing it’s magic with my lens, so that I might just taste and see a little more of His goodness… right here, through this pain. Through this life of pain, constantly learning to let go… and live right here.

With each moment captured I do the unthinkable, the miraculous… I hold grace.

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Fighting for Joy

How do we walk through grief and still experience the miracle of joy?

The grief I am experiencing is nothing compared to some, to the some who are or have experienced real death. I know that my sorrow is nothing compared to theirs. It is still, none the less, grief.

A broken heart.

A heart full of doubts, of fears, and anger.

My joy is gone; grief is upon me; my heart is sick within me.

Jeremiah 8:18

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There is a gaping hole in my heart right now. A wound that if I am not careful can quickly become infected by bitterness and hopelessness. This hole needs to be carefully treated with the balm of the truth of His promises.

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He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

I know that this hole in my heart will with time and careful attention, heal. My hope of the future was crushed and so a piece of me died but as always He continues to always be my unfailing hope, my eternal future, and joy.

As our hearts heal we strive to move forward in His grace pursuing a new future with Him ever before our eyes, battling infection and fighting for healing, and for our joy.

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The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Our lives change like the seasons. Every day is full of change, of the future moved.

The future is constantly changing, for us.

We make plans nearly every second. What we are going to make for breakfast, what we will wear that day, what we will do. Until we remember we don’t have sugar for those pancakes, that shirt we were going to wear is dirty, and then we have unnounced company that changes our plans for the whole day. The future is ever changing with divine interruptions.

Although it appears to us that the future is constantly changing with our every decision, I know this just isn’t true.

I believe in a sovereign God, a God who knows all things, especially the future. I believe that everything that happens, every decision is ours to make but is in the sovereign hand of God and already apart of His story. I can’t change the future, not really.

It has already been written.

I am just living the Divine Story as it is revealed to me in time.

I walk each line by the Spirit and by faith.

We try to write our own story only to find out it wasn’t His story. Like I did recently.

We wrote and planned our future. We were to go to Costa Rica and learn spanish so that we could be prepared for our future’s future, in South America. Two weeks away from our date with destiny to fly into the future our plans were interrupted and our future died. The future we had planned.

We wrote it all out only to find that it wasn’t in His story. I find comfort in knowing that whatever happens is a part of the Story and that I cannot change that which is already written. This is how it was always supposed to be. This was always the plan, always a part of the story. I may not always understand or feel happy about how the story of my life is playing out but I must remember this is not MY story nor do I understand it fully or know the end. I have a very small place in it.

And I just long to be grateful for it.

I just want to be grateful for my part, my piece of the story.

My plans may change, but His are always the same.

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