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Archive for June, 2010

Surrender All

When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been
Had He had His way – and I see
How I blocked Him here, and checked Him there,
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Savior’s eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?
Would He have me rich and I stand there poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing,
Down the paths I cannot retrace.
Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to Thy hand
Take me and break me and mold me,
To the pattern that Thou hast planned!
-Author Unknown

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Well, Josai and I are getting BIG! I feel like a whale but realize I am only going to get bigger in the next 7 weeks 😉 I can’t believe that on one end I have a whopping 7 weeks left and then on the other end of the spectrum I only have 7 weeks!! I feel anxious to meet my little man that God has formed, to hold him and begin this new chapter but then again I feel a lot of anxiety about how much I still need to accomplish before he decides to join our family!

The main things are preparing for our 2010/2011 homeschool year, deciding on everything I want to use and trying to plan as much as possible for it. Training in obedience with my other three especially Amaris, because when Josai comes I will need her to be trained to sit alone by me for long periods of time so that I can stay in worship on Sundays and on Wednesdays when daddy is preaching/teaching. I do not have the neccessities as of baby stuff as of yet but I do not doubt God’s provision and so trust that in time I will get everything I need. I long to have a more spiritually disciplined routine, although I don’t know how much that will help after he gets here and changes all of our routines. I have a lot of little things that are to important but would add to my sanity and peacefulness that I would like to get done.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Weeks ago I thought I might have Gestational Diabetes but it turned out I just had an iron defienciency. This week has been a little crazy, we have had vbs every morning. The kids have been loving it! My Kai’s birthday party is this Saturday afternoon and I keep forgetting that I have to make his cake and get all the supplies, thankfully we did our shopping already. Early, early that morning we are going to Dry Creek to spend the morning picking blueberries!! I am so excited and praying it isn’t to hot for all of us ;).

In the midst of all of this busy-ness I find my heart and my thoughts far far away from all of it… lingering in His truths and in His love, wondering and seeking to know Him more and love Him deeper. I have been examining my heart lately… disecting it’s true motives, it’s fears and doubts and trying to simply bring them all to Him in complete surrender. He has been teaching me lately of my self love that is still to much a live with in me. Conteplating what it means to find peace and joy in taking up my crosses for the sake of Christ, of knowing more of Christ, of loving, suffering and fellowshiping with Christ. I didn’t realize how often I ran from my crosses causing myself more pain and denying His work in my life to be carried to completion! Oh how foolish and wasteful. I am praying that I do not waste my suffering in this life to not only draw me deeper in communion with Him but also to draw others deeper into a communion with Him.

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