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Archive for March, 2007

I’ve got the Blues

The Baby Blues that is and I have to be honest for a moment. The feelings that seem to overtake me leave me feeling numb and lost in this world. I find it very hard to bring a smile to my face during the weak moments which are always in the afternoon around 4 until late evening. This evening while I was driving home from the store nothing felt real, like I was in a movie where nothing matters and life was irrelevant and meaningless. These few hours feel much longer and each minute passes painfully slow. I think to myself…. why do I feel this way? Like my heart has sunk deep inside my chest and I can feel it beating but can not feel it breathing. It is hard and I dread each evening knowing what is coming. I am praying for this to pass quicky… very quickly.  It gets very dark and dreary in those times and I have a hard time finding God in the midst of the smothering grayness. The only thing that seems to bring me back to the surface is the joy I see in my little Sweet Pea and the thoughts of my two boys who are very far from me right now. I know that this will pass and I will get through this and I praise God that even though I may not feel Him I have faith that He is still here. If you could say a little prayer for me I would appreciate it… Thanks!!

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Be not miserable about what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father, who cares for you today, will care for you tomorrow.

Francis de Sales

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.

Henry Ward Beecher

Anxiety is not only a pain which we must ask God to assuage but also a weakness we must ask Him to pardon; for He’s told us to take no care for the morrow.

(Clive Staples) C. S. Lewis

Anxiety means distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. As a mother I find myself often trapped in this emotional state over the safety of my children. I have a difficult time accepting that anything could ever happen to them. When my first son was little I remember all of the ridiculous things that would swim around in my mind of what could happen to him. I would have to shut my mind off to them and try to give my fears to the Lord. Today I am overly anxious as I always am when my boys travel long distances. Right now they are boarding a plane with their Nana and I am at home with my baby girl.  I want to give this to God and leave it with Him but am struggling. Hopefully He will comfort me throughout the next few hours and grant me peace as I surrender the safety of my children into His loving hands of righteousness.

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Rest

 Oh sweet slumber where did you go? When will I see you again? I miss you so and long for your rest. Yes I am sleep deprived, though I do not mind getting up every 3-4 hours during the night to spend a little one on one mother and daughter time. I have always enjoyed the special time of feedings late in the evenings and early in the mornings with all of my little blessings but it does take its toll on you. But more importantly than the search for rest for my body is the search for rest for my soul. As mothers, wives and homekeepers I think it is often easy to focus on our lack of physical rest rather than on our spiritual rest.  

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

We have been given the promise of rest if we will just go to Him. Do not forget this profound and powerful promise in your busy days as you tackle the laundry, the dishes, the crayon on the wall, all the unmade beds, the socks on the master bedroom floor, the bills that need to be paid, the grocery shopping the awaits… breath, take a moment to soak in this passage and then with out hesitation… go to Him… not the tv, that book you are reading, your husband, or any other source… He is sufficient for your needs and He will give your soul the rest that it needs and so desires.

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 I want to share a piece of Amaris’s birth story because it was for me a huge revelation and encouragement. As I laid in the hospital bed patiently awaiting the almost unbearable pains of childbirth that were about to consume my body the Lord revealed something profound to me. My husband was trying his best to get some rest in a terribly uncomfortable chair while I felt the contractions beginning to increase. My thoughts were focused on how to embrace the pain so that I would not miss the joy. With each contraction I searched desperately for His words in my heart for comfort and strength. Realizing that I needed to store up more of them to treasure. As I dug around in my heart I remembered the words from Hebrews 12:1-2..but of course at the time I didn’t know it was in Hebrews but could hear the words: 

..let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 

“Who for the JOY that was set before him ENDURED the CROSS”

Here is where He spoke to me..straight to my heart and anwsered my prayer for comfort and strength. How could I embrace this painful moment….by enduring the incredible pains of childbirth with the thoughts and visions of my little bundle of Joy that was to come. It was for me an incredible moment. Jesus was able to endure the horrific and unbearable pains of the cross because of the joy that was set before Him. We also can endure each of our own situations as long as we keep our eyes on the joy set before us. I know that all of us get trapped at times in things that we feel are impossible to endure but Christ as our perfect example has showed us that it is possible and that everything is possible with Him. We will not beable to experience any joy if we are focusing on our pain and problems. On March 17 around 6:30 am I learned this amazing truth and I only pray now that I will not forget it but will store it up in my heart and allow it to become apart of who I am as a Christian.

More about her birth:

At 1:30 am they broke my water and then at 4:00 they began the drip to enduce my labor. By 6:15 or so the contractions began and continued to get stronger. The nurse came in to check on me every so often. I tried to rest but it was impossible. Expresso laid in a chair in front of me catching some good z’s…I was envious and almost wished that was me for a moment. Around 7:00 the contractions were getting much stronger and I asked for my epidural. Now with my last pregnancy the epidural only worked on one side so I was not going to allow that to happen this time around. I told the nurse about it and then later after I had recieved it could tell that once again it didn’t work on one side. I immediatly requested some more….they agreed and thank goodness it worked. At about 9:00am I began pushing…I went from a 4 to a 8 very quickly. I was extremely weak when it was time to begin pushing. I felt very sick to my stomach many times and really didn’t know if I was going to beble to go on but every time I thought that my amazing husband was there to encourage me wtih his enthusiasm and excitement. I don’t know how long I pushed but it wasn’t long and the doctor helped me in the end by just grabbing her little head and pulling her the rest of the way out. That was a relief for my poor weak body I must say. She arrived from out of my body at 9:56 am on March 17th! The birth went as smooth as it could possible go and I praise God for His protection over us.

Everyone keeps asking if we are done now that we have our little girl. I honestly did not handle this pregnancy very well and swore during it that I was done. I try very hard to leave doors open in my heart and mind to the will of God knowing that even if it is not what I desire it is what is good and perfect and so embracing it as well as I can. I say that for “me” I am done but I can not say whether or not God is done adding to our family or not. I do know that I have a deep desire to adopt some where in the future if it is in His plans.

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Amaris Skye

I can not fully express to you the joy and elation that fills my heart right now with this little life that God has blessed us with. She is absolutely amazing and perfect. When I gaze at her perfection I am reminded of Psalm 139:13-14

 For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.

She is a custom made little gift that the Lord has given to us for His glory and I am excited as her mother to watch her grow up in His righteousness and to see her become a beautiful servant for the King.  I only pray that the Lord will enable me as her mother to be a godly influence in her life constantly encouraging and nurturing her in His ways!

God is GOOD

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She is on her way and I can not wait to meet her and bring her home. I went to the doctor this afternoon after they called me to come in and they feel the best thing to do is to induce me this evening. I can not tell you how incredibly nervous I am about her arrival.  We are frantically getting everything ready to go………..camera….check……other camera……check……bags packed…..check…..boys clothes ready……check…..her coming home outfit…..check! The reason I say He has a sense of humor is because it seems that all of my children have been born either on or very near a holiday. Myself…..Christmas Eve……Superman…….Halloween (which I asked Him nicely not to bring on October 31st :0)……..T-Rex…..2 days before Fathers Day and now #3……St. Patrick’s Day. Ha ha……..I am seriously laughing inside!!

Please……….keep us all in your prayers…………me and the baby for a super smooth and safe delivery!!

 

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Last night I journeyed with the Apostles in their ministry in the book of Acts and was completely captivated by their dedication, their zeal and their boldness in spreading Christ. It was very encouraging to listen to what they went through and what they were willing to go through and just to see their many struggles and see the Lord shine through each of them.

As I was reading I came across Peter’s journey to Lydda where he found a man named Aeneas. Aeneas was bedridden for eight long years and paralyzed. My heart could in a very small way relate to being bedridden. Peter said to him “Aeneas, Jesus Christ heals you; rise and make your bed.” How truly amazing it must have been for this man to beable to get up out of that bed and then for the first time in years get to pull the covers up over the bed with out him in it.

It is interesting for me to read this last night as I have been put on a very short term bedrest due to some little complications with my pregnancy. I have really been struggling with embracing this and have been depressed about it. In the beginning I was a little relieved……no housework or cooking and my Mother’s Day Out job was now off limits…..Praise God! But then after a week or two of being confined to my bed I realized how much I missed taking care of my family. It has now been a little over a month and the Lord has revealed to me many things through this time. My husband and I have in some ways switched places. He has really done an amazing job and I am so proud of him and extremely grateful for the man God gave me. I think it is truly awesome to know that when this is all over we both will have grown from it and will beable to appreciate each other a little more. I know that as a homekeeper I will be making some improvements in my attitude towards my duties and my husband.

I never really thought I could honestly say this but “I miss doing the laundry…..washing the dishes…..cooking…..giving my boys their baths…..picking up dirty socks and making beds!” It is hard to watch someone else do your job especially when you have your own specific ways of doing things. When Peter tells Aeneas to make his bed…….something that I think we all take for granted being able to do, symbolizing for me all the little things……my own heart rejoices with him at the ability of being able to do this “chore”. I can not wait to beable to do all the little things that bless my home and my family.

Ladies…..think about your little things…..do you realize how privileged you are to beable to do these things for your family? Do they bring a joy to you when they are done and when you know that your hard work is developing a beautiful, peaceful and safe refuge for your precious family?

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